How to Shift your Mentality to Empower Yourself and Others
Persecutor to Challenger
Learn how to shift from a Persecutor mentality to a Challenger mentality. A persecutor’s primary need is to manage their fear of uncertainty. They do this by using control and keeping others down. A challenger is someone who sparks learning by challenging assumptions and the status quo. I teach you how to shift from a Persecutor mentality to a Challenger mentality. Use this to create more meaningful relationships with those around you.
Do you constantly feel like you have to control every aspect of your life? Or do you find yourself blaming others for events that happen or how things unfold? Do you feel like bad things that happen are a direct result of people not knowing what to do and that you could do them better? If any of these statements ring true to you, you may be stuck in a persecutor mentality.
People with a persecutor mentality feel as though the bad things that happen to them are always someone else’s fault. You may feel as though everyone else is incompetent- your spouse, your coworkers, or even your family or friends. Even though there might be things that you can do to help fix the situation, you don’t actually take responsibility for anything and must win at all costs.
In addition, you might take things into your own hands and take control over the situation. You might think thoughts like, “Why can’t they just do what I tell them to?” or “They clearly aren’t capable, so I’ll just have to do it”. Then anger and self righteousness is something you feel often in your life. If you have felt this way, you may have taken on a persecutor mentality.
A persecutor’s primary need is to manage their fear of uncertainty. They do this by using control and keeping others “one down,” hoping to mitigate their feeling that the world is a dangerous place.
The 3 core beliefs of someone who is in this persecutor mentality are:
1- No one is as good as me, I must take over
2- Anything bad that happens is someone else’s fault
3- It is better to dominate, than to be dominated
When you embrace these 3 core beliefs, it leads you to feel superior to others and also responsible for everything that happens. And in turn, you place blame on other people and show up in a dominating, “I know best” attitude. You end up coming across as controlling, angry, rigid and self righteous.
Why would we stay stuck?
When this persecutor mentality is such a disempowering way of thinking and acting, why would you consider staying in there?
Because at some level it has been serving you in some way. It helps you feel superior to others and fulfills your need for self approval. It also creates a false sense of control over what goes on in your life to help you create safety somehow. This mentality may have been a coping mechanism that was learned and reinforced. The downside to this mentality is that you feel responsible for everything in your life. It creates a victim mentality in others that leaves them feeling helpless. It also may bring feelings of overwhelm because you end up micro-managing every detail of your life.
Once you’ve recognized this mentality, how can you break free from the role of Persecutor? You learn to become a Challenger instead!
Change the Story- Become a Challenger!
Persecutor to Challenger – how does that happen? Becoming a Challenger instead of a persecutor starts with changing the story you are telling yourself! With a simple shift in the story you are telling yourself, you can shift from Persecutor Mentality to Challenger Mentality. You can shift from control to empowered! Let’s take a look at some questions you ask yourself when you are in a persecutor role, you ask yourself things like:
Why can’t they do anything right?
Why are the so incompetent?
What’s wrong with them?
You also need to evaluate the story that you are telling yourself. Here are some of the things that a persecutor will tell them self:
It’s all their fault!
Everyone else is screwing this up!
I must control and be on top!
I will think rather than feel.
If you are ready to shift from persecutor mentality to challenger mentality, you need to change the questions you are asking yourself! Here is the single most powerful question to ask yourself:
What is my intention?
Challengers help others to be their best selves. So what is your intention? Asking this one powerful question leads you to other powerful questions and sets you on a path to help build up people around you and allows others to take ownership too. It provokes follow up questions like:
What can this situation or problem teach me?
Given this situation,what is here for us to learn?
How can I support the growth and development of others?
How can I set aside my control and focus on improvement?
What is one way I can support them in their goal?
How can I drop the judgement and become curious in this situation?
When you gain clarity on what your intention is, these powerful questions will lead you to solutions and foster healthier relationships! This simple shift in the questions you ask yourself transforms you from a persecutor that tries to control every aspect of their life to a challenger who sparks learning by challenging assumptions and the status quo.
4 Ways to Change to a Challenger Mentality
Here are 4 ways that you can shift from the persecutor role into an empowering role of challenger:
1. View others as Creators. Trust others in their abilities and allow them to take action. Have confidence in them as a creator. Then reflect upon your intentions. Ask yourself: “What is my intention—to put down, look good, or be right or, to build up and support the other?” Challengers challenge from a learning intention and then provide clear support.
2. Cultivate curiosity – be open to new ideas and experiences. Drop the judgement of yourself and others and allow yourself to be genuinely curious about other people and the situation at hand. Challenge yourself to learn something new that makes you feel uncomfortable, then follow your curiosity. This loosens your grip on the need to know.
3. Develop self-awareness. In the moment by learning to pause and listen to your internal talk. You may notice the ego’s need to stay in control and be right. In addition, when you hear that inner-persecutor voice, pause and ask, “What is here for me to learn?”
4. Cultivate compassion. Growth and change are not easy! Be compassionate with yourself and others as you/they learn and respond to life Challengers. Be willing to listen to other people’s problems without making them your own.
So I ask you today: How can you shift from persecutor to challenger mentality today?
A challenger is a catalyst for change. They are good at encouraging themselves and others to be the best version of themselves. Challengers go to the heart of the matter and frequently deliver hard facts, while still inspiring others to reach for their highest good.
It is as simple as changing the question you are asking yourself this powerful question:
What is my intention?
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