We are hard wired for connection, it is an innate need in all of us. It gives meaning and purpose to our lives. We all have the desire to be seen and to be heard. And we need to be willing to be vulnerable in order to have connection in our lives. Learn the one thing that unravels connection in your life and the one belief you must have in order to create more connection in your life.
We are wired for connection, love & belonging!
Brene Brown will tell you that we are neurobiologically wired for connection. As she studied love and connection, she found that our brains are wired for connection, that we have this innate desire to be seen this innate desire to be heard. What is the definition of connection? In the Merriam-Webster dictionary connection is defined as: “a relationship in which a person thing or idea is linked or associated with someone or something else”.
Some common synonyms of connect or connection is associate to combine, join, link, relate, or unite. All of those words really mean to bring or come together in some kind of unity. This definition suggests this attachment, but with little or no loss of identity. Isn’t that interesting that two people can unite in a relationship with no loss of identity.
Be vulnerable, be seen and be heard
A core component of connection that aswe can allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to be seen, to be heard – that helps us to connect with other people. Then in turn, allows us to be able to see other people and to hear other people and truly help them be seen and heard and that is what fosters connection.
Shame unravels connection
In Brene Brown’s research, she also found this certain component that actually unravels connection – that is shame.
Isn’t that fascinating? Shame actually unravels connection. If you desire connection knowing we are wired for it – it is so powerful for you to know that shame is what unravels it all. Now, what is shame? Brene Brown would tell you that it’s the fear of disconnection.
That it’s the fear of what we want most not happening. The fear of disconnection is at the heart of shame. Shame says that there is something about me that isn’t worthy or enough, and that’s the lie that shame tells you. So if shame is what unravels connection. We need to be able to identify it in our lives and be able to shed the shame.
If our shame is really the fear of disconnection that we aren’t worthy of love that we are worthy of connection, or unity or that we are not enough in some way that something about us is not enough and causes us to not be worthy of love and connection. We need to identify that false belief and move on and give ourselves permission that we are enough! By doing so we will increase the connection and only enhance the relationship in our lives.
Believe that you are worthy of love
This is another thing that I found so fascinating about Brene Brown’s research about connection & shame. She found that people who have a really strong sense of love and connection in their lives – what did they all have in common? They simply believed that they were worthy of love and belonging. Isn’t that interesting that the people who had the strongest sense of love and connection in their own lives were the people that believed that they were worthy of that love and belonging? It’s by simply giving yourself permission that you are worthy of love and belonging.
That’s when connection that’s when love and belonging come into your life – by simply inviting them in. That is so powerful and something that you have control over. You have power over your thoughts and what you choose to believe. You can believe that you are worthy of love and belonging, and those are the beliefs that create the strongest sense of connection in your life.
Connection and Identity
Next, there’s this component of connection – that you don’t have to lose your identity! You can love, connect and belong without losing your sense of who you really are. By giving yourself permission and believing that you are worthy of love, connection and belonging – you actually strengthen your sense of identity. That concept is so beautiful to me, and so empowering.
What is holding you back?
Something is holding you back and what are the thoughts or beliefs that you have about yourself that you don’t think you are worthy of? Next, I want you to decide to believe different things – it will take some practice. Of course it will take some reframing, but you can choose to believe differently and give yourself permission. You don’t have to wait for anyone else – that lies within your power. Take the time to really examine what is my fear of disconnection.
Ask yourself: How is shame coming into my life and holding me back from truly feeling this strong sense of love and connection? What are the ways that you can shed the shame surrounding connection in your life. Shame is the very thing that holds us back.
Your own thoughts about yourself are the biggest thing that hold you back – because it keeps you from acting in alignment with your true self. When you act in alignment with your true identity, that’s when connection can happen.
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